Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Living with you seems like a dream come true. You do things I always hoped someone would do, but no one ever did, before you.
Even more, sometimes the experience feels like a fate long planned and predetermined coming true. Like everything that has ever happened, happened so that these experiences could come true. So that something on a much deeper level of reality could come true. A grand plan is becoming fulfilled.
I know this sounds irrational, even insane, but I seldom think it is. The feeling of destiny being fulfilled is infrequent and fleeting, but when it happens, it is so powerful, I feel sure it is true. It explains everything completely.
Sometimes this experience feels so beautiful and perfect that it seems artificial, like it is designed to convince me of something. But if this experience is artificial, then everything that has ever happened has been artificial and contrived to convince me too. I feel a sense of swirling horror. It is so terrifying that my mind seems to involuntarily shy away from the idea.
But then, I make a gesture, I caress or somehow express affection for you, and your reaction is so loving, perfect, and beautiful, that I am reassured, and once again simply bask in the wonder and love of life with you.
at 4:19 AM